


Heart in her Hands

by CartoonJessie



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: AU, Angst, F/M, Fluff, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-09
Updated: 2015-02-09
Packaged: 2018-03-11 10:12:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,006
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3323660
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CartoonJessie/pseuds/CartoonJessie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A few weeks after their first kiss, Rumplestiltskin remembers his sweet caretaker and how he shut her out. What he wouldn’t give to be able to put his heart in her hands one last time…</p>
            </blockquote>





	Heart in her Hands

**Author's Note:**

  * For [TheNaughtyScandalousScorpio](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheNaughtyScandalousScorpio/gifts), [AlsyWalsy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlsyWalsy/gifts), [thesquirrelbaby](https://archiveofourown.org/users/thesquirrelbaby/gifts).



He hoped with each inch of golden thread that he spun, that his thoughts of Belle would soon be forgotten. But she had not left his mind in the weeks before, and he had the idea she would not leave his mind today either. 

He smelled of gin and wore the most hideous outfit in his closet. Belle had once commented that it looked ghastly - remembering very well how it was what he had worn on the day they had met. "Makes you look like a monster," she had said casually.  
As though that wasn't his true nature...  
But now that he had shut her out, he truly felt like he was.

Even though there was a teapot on the table, and two cups to go with it, he knew she would not join him for tea. She was probably on the other side of the world by now. And he probably wouldn't drink any tea either. Tea reminded him of her. Gin did not. 

How cruel and foolish he had been to send her away. Her words echoed through his mind. He could have had happiness...  
Tears streamed down his cheeks as he continued spinning, trying to forget those words, but it was like he could still hear her voice, the meaning of those words cutting an even bigger hole in his heart.  
His pretty, innocent Belle... His kind and intelligent and funny caretaker. Why had he let her slip away like that? Was it too late to go after her? 

Oh, he could already imagine how horrible she'd think him then... She was probably glad to be rid of him. Everyone always was, once he left their lives.

Her eyes had to have opened by now. She had probably come to the realization that he was a horrible beast. Even if he returned to her now and asked her to come back, she would not come with him willingly. And he refused to have her live with him under any other circumstances. Not even a monster like him would ever claim her as a prisoner.  
She was not a trophy, to be locked in this castle for him to gaze at.  
She was an independent woman, and she wished to see the world. Who was he to stand in the way of her dreams? And yet… He’d do anything to put his heart in her hands again, to feel her love for him one last time.

More tears rolled down his face as he imagined himself returning to her, only to be yelled at, to have her send him away. It was honestly what he expected, and it was a memory he did not wish to have of her…  
And so he stayed behind the spinning wheel, hoping that soon the thoughts of her would stop, even though the thought of living without any memory of her was just as painful. He did not want to forget how wonderful he had felt in her delightful company. He did not want to forget her eyes or her beautiful smile. Sometimes, while he tried to remember moments they had shared together, it was like he could still feel her hugs and touches – almost as though she was in the room with him, and not half a world away.

When he heard the door open behind him, he quickly wiped his tears from his face, manning himself up before he turned around. He had expected Regina, but as he noticed the small figure that had stepped into the room, not daring to move closer, he froze. 

He drank in the sight of his Belle, noticing how her hair was messier than usual, how her blue dress wasn't as bright as he remembered, and how she looked tired and miserable. Her hands were trembling and so was her lip, and tears stood in her eyes as well as his as he looked at her.  
He took one careful step closer and noticed how she did not back away. A second and third step followed, and as he realized she wasn't going to run from him, he only stopped when he was standing right in front of her, his chest heaving in an uneven rhythm as he tried to think of what to say. 

She smelled of forest and ale - an odd combination for her - and he lifted his hand towards her cheek, noticing a bit of dirt besides her nose, but not daring to touch her or to wipe it away.  
Her trembling lip reminded him to say something, and he was choking up as he said: "You came back..."  
He hardly believed it. Surely he had to be dreaming!  
But she seemed real, and as he cried, so did she.  
"I came home," she replied in a sob, and the moment he realized what those words meant was the moment he opened his arms to her, and she flew straight into them. 

He squeezed her tight and felt how she held onto him in return, their bodies warm against one another, slightly trembling from emotion. Neither of them wanted to let go of the other, and they held onto one another so tightly that their muscles ached from the tension.

"I love you," he heard her whisper. "Please don't send me away again..."  
"I'm so sorry," he cried, still clinging onto her. No words could ever be good enough to apologize to the beautiful princess he had forsaken, but he needed to try. "I'm so sorry, Belle... I was scared and... And I overreacted. So much… But I love you too. I really do."

Belle gently pulled away from his hug, just so she could look him in the eye, and soon she let her hand travel over his cheek, noticing how he leaned into it, hungry for every bit of attention she gave him.  
"Why were you scared?" she asked softly, her gaze patient and caring. She wanted to understand him more than anything, and he took her by the hand and led her to the small sofa in front of the fireplace. As they both sat down, they held onto each other's hands, not taking their gazes off of one another - afraid the other would disappear if they did. 

"I can't believe you came back," he admitted. "I... I thought you'd never want to see me again." He still found it hard to believe that she was really there, but as he squeezed her hand once more he slowly grew surer that this was not a dream. It was her. It had to be. 

"Just the thought of never seeing you again was the most horrible one of all," Belle replied honestly. "I was hurt and angry and thought it was for the best if I left... but... you're my true love. How would it make sense to live without you?"  
The look in her eyes was sincere and calm, but also sad and desperate at the same time. If he did not accept this angel of good in his life, he would be a true monster.

Now it was his lip that trembled, and he nodded to show her how he understood what she was saying.  
"I haven't been honest with you," he admitted. "I need you to know why I could not let you transform me - why I still can't let you do that now. It's to do with my son, Baelfire..."  
He had had plenty of time to think of what to do in case Belle came back – and the past weeks, his broken heart had told him that perhaps she would have understood if he had been honest with her. She was a kind woman with a warm heart. Once she knew that his anger had been caused by the thought of losing his boy forever, she would understand… Or at least that was what he hoped. 

Belle remained quiet as she gave him all the time he needed to tell her about the boy he had lost - the son he still desperately wanted to reunite with. He went even further than that, telling her of his past – of the woman he had been married to - how he had crippled himself in the Ogre Wars after hearing his future from a Seer - how Milah had thought him a coward and had left him to raise his son alone - how Baelfire had slipped from his fingers, quite literally, falling through a magical portal to another world in an attempt to start a new life with his father - how he had been working towards a curse that would allow him to reunite with Baelfire. 

It was a lot of information to take in, but Belle was finally beginning to understand that his fierce and ugly reaction after their kiss had had very little to do with her, but even more with the fact that she had nearly undone hundreds of years of preparation.

"I understand," she said when he was done talking, squeezing his hand. "I really do... and I promise not to kiss you - not until you are reunited with your son, at least."

Just the mention of kissing made him uneasy, especially as his eyes were already glued to her lips and he remembered how soft they had felt the last time they had kissed. 

"There must be a way around that," he muttered, still looking at her lips. He wanted her - desperately - and the thought of spending years in her presence without them being able to express their feelings in a physical way seemed like agony to him. Not just that, but he knew that Belle was a very touchy person. His little maid had always had a knack for touching him in moments he had not expected it, causing him to often send her to the other side of the castle or to disappear himself while he had felt his own straining erection come up.  
The thought of those moments right now was already causing his balls to tighten. 

The need to sate his lust was growing with each moment she held his hands and sweetly looked into his eyes. He wanted to kiss her so badly, but how could he do so without breaking his curse? 

It was a risk - a huge risk - and perhaps he would not have done it if he had been thinking more clearly... But he put his hand on his own chest, then suddenly pulled out his heart with magic, the thing still beating in his hand as he pressed his lips against Belle's, who was rather overwhelmed by the quickness of it all, and as she pushed him back, she carefully eyed him, looking for any changes in his skin, but he remained as scaly as she had always known him to be. 

Slowly, her eyes moved to the heart in his hands. A few black spots colored the otherwise bright-red heart, and she could even hear its thumping as she looked at it.  
“Does… does it hurt?” she asked gently, as though she was afraid that speaking any louder would cause his heart any pain.  
Shaking his head, he offered her a small smile.  
“Not when I kiss you,” he said quietly, and as they both leaned in for another kiss, both of them unable to stop smiling, Belle’s hand soon looked for his, resting her empty hand on top of his beating heart as they both held it safe.

As they sat there, their reunion sweeter than either of them had imagined, he felt the warmth of her skin and it caused his heart to flutter in delight and affection.

Whoever it was that had once said that ripping a heart out would be like ridding one of one’s emotions completely, had been lying. He had never felt as strongly about anyone before.  
Belle was quite literally holding his heart in her hands, and for the first time in his life, it felt like everything was going to be alright.  
If she loved him, perhaps he wasn't a monster anymore.

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave a comment if you liked it! ^^  
> This one-shot was also posted on my Tumblr RP account ithinkyouwerelonely.


End file.
